Debating inside my head… Vaccines for Toni? She’s 6 weeks in a few days and due for a Rotarix shot. Still hesitating on giving her vaccines. Anya hasn’t had any except for the mandated HepB soon after birth done at the hospital. She had 1 more shot a month after that. When her seizures manifested, doctors postponed any shots afterward and kept her at the wait and see stage. Well, her seizures are gone and she seems to be doing well without vaccines.
The thought of giving my child a virus puzzles me. They get a fever afterward and somehow their body seems to get rid of the virus by developing anti-bodies to fight it. Why can’t it be done in the natural course then? Why not contract the virus without injecting it and then fight it off? Yes, it means they get sick. They develop and immune system to fight it.
Concerns are…. Toni will probably be more exposed to other kids and she can carry certain viruses. Anya can then get sick. Since Anya’s immune system is unlike regular children, she will have a harder time fighting it off. It’s unpredictable. That’s why she doesn’t have the vaccine in the first place. Toni, on the other hand, can transmit the virus if she catches it. Vaccine Toni to protect Anya? Strengthen their immune system and fight it off? Viruses today aren’t like they were before. They’re much harder to fight simply because our health level isn’t the same – because the food we eat isn’t the same. Hence, supplements. Are supplements enough? Natural sources are better. Natural sources lack the nutrients because of hormones and chemicals. Wait, going off topic… To vaccine or not to vaccine, that is the question. And remains a question. Will postpone decision for now.
Showing posts with label infantile spasms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infantile spasms. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday, December 14, 2009
My child's burden in life
Sometimes I think she was given to me so I can be delivered from my sins. Sometimes I think she suffers for my sake. So that my sins may be forgiven. During her seizure attacks, she cries in pain. When she has an upset stomach filled with gas because of the medication, she cries for 1 hour straight. 
All I can do is rub oil on her belly, put hot compress and keep lifting her legs up so she can release gas. And the whole time she is crying. If she were able to speak, she would tell us that her head aches during and right after a seizure. Why does my baby suffer so much? Why not me instead? I deserve to go through the pain and my baby does not. Perhaps she carries the burden of her sinful mother. She is suffering on my behalf. And seeing her suffer is the only thing the Lord will allow me to suffer. Whatever the Lord says. My baby can handle it, I cannot. I just have to bear seeing her in pain.
A few friends have told me not to blame myself or ask if there was anything wrong I did during the pregnancy or right after I gave birth. Not once did I think of that. Nor did I think that the Lord is allowing this so I can suffer. It’s the other way round. Anya suffers to sanctify me and perhaps a few others. Well, at least that is what I think. My sinfulness is what I blame for Anya’s condition.
The prognosis that Anya will have mental
retardation led me to think that Anya will have a limited capacity for happiness. That is, happiness in a way we all experience it. Oh I believe she will be happy to the fullest of her capacity, but not to the fullest of our capacity. We have a large glass to fill. She has a small glass. And that small glass is easily filled. Here I blame myself again. Because I ask why did the Lord give me a child that has a small glass? Is it because the Lord thinks that I cannot fill her glass if it were bigger? Because I cannot fill my own glass to the brim, I can only fill Anya’s with a small amount. And because the Lord loves Anya so much, He made her a smaller glass because her mom cannot fill a big glass. Is that all that I can give to my daughter?
Others have said that mothers with special children have more to do in order to give their child happiness. I would rather say that it is much easier to make these children happy because their joys are simple. Simple compared to what we usually expect. I don’t need to send her to Disneyland to make her happy. I just have to be there for her. That should be easier, in essence. It is hard to give up many things like my alone time. The Lord wants me to simplify my life. I have to give up certain comforts. To do the right
thing is actually more rewarding. So the Lord is giving me an opportunity to do well as a mother because Anya will not be asking much. She will be asking a lot of my time. The Lord has given that to everyone, but not everyone uses it wisely. Now my room for error is less, because I will obviously be spending more time with my daughter. Anya does not give me an excuse to make a mistake.
I am the burden that my child carries. The Lord has given me an opportunity to do things right. Anya’s development on earth is not a measure of my success. I just hope I don’t screw up.
All I can do is rub oil on her belly, put hot compress and keep lifting her legs up so she can release gas. And the whole time she is crying. If she were able to speak, she would tell us that her head aches during and right after a seizure. Why does my baby suffer so much? Why not me instead? I deserve to go through the pain and my baby does not. Perhaps she carries the burden of her sinful mother. She is suffering on my behalf. And seeing her suffer is the only thing the Lord will allow me to suffer. Whatever the Lord says. My baby can handle it, I cannot. I just have to bear seeing her in pain.A few friends have told me not to blame myself or ask if there was anything wrong I did during the pregnancy or right after I gave birth. Not once did I think of that. Nor did I think that the Lord is allowing this so I can suffer. It’s the other way round. Anya suffers to sanctify me and perhaps a few others. Well, at least that is what I think. My sinfulness is what I blame for Anya’s condition.
The prognosis that Anya will have mental
retardation led me to think that Anya will have a limited capacity for happiness. That is, happiness in a way we all experience it. Oh I believe she will be happy to the fullest of her capacity, but not to the fullest of our capacity. We have a large glass to fill. She has a small glass. And that small glass is easily filled. Here I blame myself again. Because I ask why did the Lord give me a child that has a small glass? Is it because the Lord thinks that I cannot fill her glass if it were bigger? Because I cannot fill my own glass to the brim, I can only fill Anya’s with a small amount. And because the Lord loves Anya so much, He made her a smaller glass because her mom cannot fill a big glass. Is that all that I can give to my daughter?Others have said that mothers with special children have more to do in order to give their child happiness. I would rather say that it is much easier to make these children happy because their joys are simple. Simple compared to what we usually expect. I don’t need to send her to Disneyland to make her happy. I just have to be there for her. That should be easier, in essence. It is hard to give up many things like my alone time. The Lord wants me to simplify my life. I have to give up certain comforts. To do the right
thing is actually more rewarding. So the Lord is giving me an opportunity to do well as a mother because Anya will not be asking much. She will be asking a lot of my time. The Lord has given that to everyone, but not everyone uses it wisely. Now my room for error is less, because I will obviously be spending more time with my daughter. Anya does not give me an excuse to make a mistake.I am the burden that my child carries. The Lord has given me an opportunity to do things right. Anya’s development on earth is not a measure of my success. I just hope I don’t screw up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)